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This year signifies a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {